失ったものを見つけた

Was having some changes lately, army wasn't such a dreaded place after all, in fact, I have found a comfort zone there. It's been over a year in the battalion and I find that I'm constantly using the term 'My Company'

Though things have not changed physically but my feelings has changed greatly. I don't know whether it's because I've re-started doing my Quiet Time faithfully or because army life really suits me but I've taken ownership over these 120-odd men. 'I am an officer of the Singapore Armed Forces ... I answer for their training, morale and discipline'

To be honest, the style of my command was generally shaped by my boss in OCS as well as my upperstudy, Jon. My boss then was, in my memory, someone who has always been giving a smiley face and giving others the impression that everything was simple and easy. My upperstudy was the nicest person I've ever met, treating everyone well, soft-spoken and there were numerous occasions when I'd imagine his response in various scenarios and then criticize myself for not being understanding enough, not being good enough.

But now, I start to realise that I've forged my own style of leadership. In the year when I started off as an instructor to the recruits, as the elder brother for the specs, as the leader of my platoon, and now, as a PC mentor, guiding the green birds, and teaching them the art of leading these boys, I found something that I've forgotten in my 5 years in Japan.

I discovered the courage and recklessness that drove me to take up the scholarship. The gung-ho style. Going by instinct to achieve what I believe was needed. Yesterday, I surprised myself when I gathered the 1st year Commanders to consolidate the points and info needed to pass on to the new Commanders. The way that everybody responded, and the silence and respect they gave when I was speaking, I knew I had done something right. Similarly for the men, the attention from them when I instructed and commanded made everything worthwhile.

I had an easier time in my tour of duty as a non-Regular; I never had to face up to the remark that says 'you need to perform better as a Regular, to live up to your salary being paid out to you.' And I'd say that at times, I've spoilt the market for my buddies since I believe no PC can perform twice as good as me. Certainly they can outperform me but definitely not giving double or more to live up to their price-tags

It would have been wonderful if my deployment is secured but then again, going for just 6 interviews, I have a tough time convincing those who have sent 100s of applications that I ought to be depressed. I am having peace and enjoying my time, with my Band of Brothers.

Thank you Bravo, thank you this Battalion, I have found a place where I belong, a Company I'm proud to lead, and I found the inner confidence that I can do a good job, as a leader and commander.