Happiness

I certainly feel peace in what I'm doing now but I realised that I'm not happy with what's happening around me.

Recently got to know that some distant seniors J○k Ki○t, We○ We○, and Ger○○dine (this I knew some time ago) had broken the bond. I started to wonder what would have happened if my family had the money. I wonder if I would break my bond. I guess not, but that's because I'm thinking in terms of my parents having a million dollars and I couldn't bear to take away a bulk of it. But what if my parents had owned a few bungalows and my bond amounts to something insignificant?

I started to think about the issue with keeping one's promises and gratitude for past opportunities. It would be easier if I had promised somebody to serve my bond rather than an organisation because it is more difficult to picture an organisation, which is known to be pragmatic to truly care when the bond is paid; a show of gratitude would be more appropriate in my case because it comes entirely from within unlike the keeping of promise where it is two-way. Would I have taken the same scholarship if I could choose again? Definitely, and I'd serve out my bond as well as I can because the organisation had been kind to me. But I won't frown at those breaking the agreement because this organisation isn't exactly the nicest place.

It got me thinking about my parents and what if my family had more money. I believe that we could be more well-off if my parents had been more driven to succeed, but their focus was probably more towards the family (my brother and I) and God's works, and they did not have much bandwidth to aspire for higher career advancement at the same time.

I was looking at someone who owned a Honda and driving a Mercedes (I knew that it was his Dad's car), and I remembered his Dad had just endured a tough retrenchment. Wow, is this the meaning of financial freedom? To maintain such living standards even when the payroll was temporarily cut. I didn't know what to feel.

If I didn't have to stay in a HDB flat, if my parents could afford a car, if my parents had the taste for branded stuff, I would have easily waken up to a nicer room, inherited the wheels and borrowed the watches and accessories. Life would be much more comfortable I guess but at the same time, I probably wouldn't feel as I feel now. So, I'm rather proud to have come from an average family and proud that I've to earn and learn everything myself, because this is where the fun comes from.

As I was walking back, yeah, as my first line indicated, I am not happy. And I was looking at ways to fill this emptiness, if it is not money, then what?

People? Maybe

Place? Maybe

I need a drink.