During a meeting today, the boss mentioned our Performance Bonus and that as times are bad, it is the only bonus for the year. I took that in, but it didn't hit me at all, I believe I wasn't the only one but I really felt nothing in particular.
I guess the reason is that I am still living the way I used to live as an NSF, when I was surviving on my meagre little allowance. It is all the more spectacular judging that I have to spend a lot more on transport and food these days but well, money really has little meaning for me when I don't feel that I need every dollar that I have. No, I'm definitely not well to do, and I'm probably earning among the least in that high-flyer office of mine, just that I don't get to spend everything by the way I live, perhaps.
Which brings me to the thinking that, hey, can I earn less and have a lighter workload? I suppose I'm never the busiest person in the office but it sure is irritating these days when I tried to work on the stuff for my trip next month, only to be bothered every few minutes with regard to computer stuff or another event that my Desk is handling. Well, I can only work in peace after office hours but recently I haven't managed to do it. Think I haven't exercised enough, will clock 10km at least tomorrow.
Can't help but have this sian-ness. Think I need some time alone, I long to lock myself in for a night, watching slapstick comedy to de-stress a little. Stress that doesn't only come from work but from the monotony of the surrounding.
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up, to more than I can be
This song came up but I am not encouraged, think I'll sleep really early tonight.
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