Luxury

I was going through a rough patch just a few weeks ago and I suppose it isn't any much better right now. How should I put it, a lack of direction in so many areas of my life and I wasn't prepared to say how I can demonstrate my role in these places.

Firstly, work is like a bad joke. At some point, I would think that we had made some progress, only to be brought back to the drawing block the following week. The bosses are hardworking but lack vision. So externally, it gets demoralising; and internally, it gets frustrating.

The last straw was when I tried to help and suggested an idea, only to be shot down with insufficient reasons. And then 10 minutes later, they themselves brought up the same idea and they discussed. My colleagues looked at me, I was shocked.

I can see how things will turn out: after wasting much time running round in circles, the bosses will come to a position which I may/may not agree to and that's it.

That's work.

As for ministry works, there were times when things didn't move. While the body, mind and spirit were willing and after some toiling, there was no results to show for the effort. It got slightly better so I'm thankful.

And then there is the time issue. I just have no time/space for myself. I need a day which I have no activity planned out, or that no one would contact me and I can do whatever I feel like doing at anytime that I like, in the most convenient way. Which means it must be an off-day, non-crowded transport, and that no one would bother me except God. I used to have such time, but increasingly, I don't get it like before and well, I'm an introvert who needs such times to recharge.

I already know how I will spend such a day: wake up in an air-conditioned room by myself, spend a few hours swimming and sun-tanning while reading the papers, catch a movie by myself, shopping for clothes (I am desperate, I just don't have decent clothes), go home and nap.

With no chores, no obligations, and preferably having my own transport. I guess that's too much to ask for.