The Cost of Discipleship

I am going to Hong Kong!!! But my focus is not on the food nor on the shopping but the conviction that I am to stand in the gap between my grandparents and God. That I am in the position where I can reach out to them with ease.

And so I prayed, asking for prayers, taking note of the journey of Jael's and Noelle's grandmothers. Thinking of buying a CD player and Christian CDs for them. I am preparing myself and anticipating great things to happen.

Stacey is coming too. With a different objective to relax and shop. But we know pastor's ruling on traveling as a couple. I agree that we are fools to obey, but we take it as being fools for Christ and to build the kind of atmosphere for our future family.

With such insights, we planned to go over a particular weekend when a friend would also be there. Everything was fine: we have a companion, I'm preparing for ministry, we bought good air tickets, we sourced for cheap hotel, ...

And then the blow came, that the friend had her travel schedule changed because the boss wanted her to hold the work meeting earlier.

I know it's not her fault that the schedule was changed but I nevertheless felt annoyed. We know pastor's stand and Stacey may not be able to fly. I had reasons to be angry and I also felt justified to the extent of standing trial before God over this incident.

1. The Plan

Now Stacey will be a little awkward if she joins me to spend a lot of time with my grannies. And I will be worried if she goes out alone.

2. The Rest

We know pastor's position and she is likely to discourage us from going together. But I know that Stacey needs a rest and some time away. And it's not like we did this all on purpose, we decided on the dates based on the friend's schedule and we get penalised still.

In the moment, I was about to tear my shirt and ask God to judge our hearts: why do such things happen when we obey

3. The Money

We have made purchases on the air tickets and accommodation. It may be just a few hundred dollars but those are hard-earned money. I don't mind spending money on others and giving money to people who need it, even a larger amount, but I hate to waste money this way.

Because of this, we hold back on buying a car because the money is better spent in the bank, in stocks and in helping others when the opportunity arises. I have many better ways on spending that few hundred dollars, rather than donating it to the airlines and hotel.

And so I struggled. Few will understand why I struggle for it makes no practical sense to obey. And even if we proceed without pastor's blessing, I will be at peace because the intent was flawless. I struggled ... just when I sense that I should pray for others, I get hit by the turn of events ...

I pictured myself being a disciple on the boat with Jesus and the storm hits the boat, I cry "why? have I not given up my livelihood to follow? And yet I am rocked by the storm." It's not the fear of losing my life, but the sense of injustice. I believe the disciples must have felt this way too.

Then the teaching at YA Retreat came back:

Being a true disciple is about giving up our own rights: Jesus could have called upon the angels and avoid the beating and the cross but He didn't, because He was the strongest and the meekest Man who gave up His rights to follow God.

And then I chose to obey... it still hurts but there is new-found strength to take it on. And I had a glimpse of what Abraham had felt when he brought Isaac up to be sacrificed, it must have hurt deeply but the strength comes from the desire to be a disciple and a friend of God.

My wrestle with God took an hour. And it was possible because Stacey handled it well, that she could readily obey, and so I had the peace to wrestle.

Grace is free but it is not cheap.

I had a new revelation: Discipleship requires more than righteousness but the perseverance to remain on this path of righteousness and get injured when the world hits you with stones and scorpions.