Set Free

I was still talking to Reg and Justin about how I wouldn't give up last evening and how things changed over the next 12 hours.

I had always liked girls who are self-centred, probably because I can really give in and yeah, she probably deserved all that I had attempted over the last 3 years. I knew that it won't work out but I didn't want it to end. God probably knew that I won't give up at any cost and so He took it away and though it ended badly, I was relieved that it has finally ended.

We met on Sunday and she was expecting me to do a lot more than I did but I wasn't really in the state, and to me, the freedom comes only when I am valued as someone important to her.

All the sweet things that a person does will be seen as creepy if the feeling is not reciprocated: Waiting for a gal outside her home with a bunch of flowers will be wonderful if he is the boyfriend but horrible if he is a stalker.

We quarrelled, and I'm probably the most useless guy she's ever seen. But it is not new, I was never good enough for her, a thing that had become my 'complex' because I believed that I was never good enough.

Now she'll be gone forever, and yeah, I felt much better than in September last year. I had peace, though I don't have the joy. As I said, the fact that it ended in this way let me know that God was in play and unless it was done this ugly, I wouldn't have given up. She's not going to be happy because no one can meet her standard, and I am wondering if the same would be said of me because for the longest time, no one except her could meet my standard.

I am sorry but this trip is a personal one to realign my life and for soul-searching, Japan is so much a home-ground that I don't feel overseas. Now that she's gone, I have to reconsider if I really like Tokyo more than anywhere else.