Lasting this life

It was the KY Youth Connection (YC) 10-yr anniversary today. We have been working hard, especially in the last 2 weeks for it and well, I must say that I was convinced the celebration was more than just a pat on the back for ourselves but the focus was for something bigger.

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Saw many familiar faces today, people who, without their dedication 10 years ago would not have shaped the YC that had developed like it is today. Anton was curious that I was not one of the pioneers, yeah, I wasn't included at the start and resented it. But through the years, I got so detached from so many things that it didn't matter anymore. Even before talking with Pastor last Sunday.

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It was as much a commissioning as a passing of the baton during the service. Yes, we showed how everyone grew up and received the blessing to make an impact with our lives. But we can also observe that it was a passing of baton from Pastor to Ian. Pastor understands that she can't continue for the next decade and had chosen this occasion to hand over the torch.

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She's indeed not the typical youth pastor. I admire her for stepping up and doing it in her very own style. A mother-figure for all. And everyone seemed to rub on her enthusiasm and truthfulness. As much as we can see that it was very much run by the Wong family, we can't deny that they contribute a lot and that's why I respect and support this, erm ... transition?

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But it was during prayers on the 7th floor this noon that shook me a little. YC's mission to go to the field. I always have this struggle of what's corporate and what's personal. My mission should be aligned with YC's mission but it would never be exactly the same.

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Which brought me to reflect the works that I am currently doing. I can understand the importance of Defence and Defence Relationships for Singapore, but I do not have the conviction and passion to toil with a sense of purpose. I try as hard as I can because I am placed here but I want something more.

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To put it simply, we all know the effects of global warming and feel the need to help the environment but apart from the Earth Hour, what else do we care about? I can preach to others the need for Defence, but I do not have the drive to take it up happily.

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I don't want to ask the teachers, church workers, or the guys in FOTF because I know their answers. I realised that I am just too Zen about everything:

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I enjoy playing Games but I can live just as well without my PSP or Wii

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I appreciate grooming and all but I am fine looking silly and ugly

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I maintain that I want a car but it has never bothered me at all

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I enjoy a company of friends but I don't feel lonely spending a weekend alone

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I let everyone know that I love Tokyo but I do not feel miserable or sorry that I am not over there

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I see couples among my friends but I do not feel the pressure of getting attached

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I care about people but I am mature enough to know that people come and go and unpredictable events happen in life

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What do I live for? I don't really know.

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I am glad that I'm leaving MINDEF soon because I need to find out what I am made to do. And a change of environment may be good. When will it be a good time to enrol myself into Bible College? Will I have the capacity to study after leaving MINDEF?

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What is my role in all these?