Depression had never felt this real since I came back to Singapore. There was a period when I harboured suicidal thoughts, finding my life worthless. On one occasion, a phonecall from my Mum at a time when she did not normally call, had allowed me to release the burden that I had been carrying.
And last Friday, I was struggling so badly that I was on the verge of going insane. It was the perceived (or otherwise) obligations and expectations to fulfil, the discomfort from a lack of personal space, the meaninglessness of work, the inability to engineer a move away that caused a prolonged period of darkness. And I was breaking down last Friday from it.
I was listening to John Piper on Christian Hedonism, where God's glory is revealed when we are satisfied in Him. I believe in God but could not be satisfied in the midst of such pain in life. Out of discipline, or perhaps it was obligation, I had stayed behind for the prayer session at 11pm Friday Night because the cell had committed ourselves to do it and I am the Cell Leader.
The first 30min was miserable, there was no joy, no victory. But then my spirit was lifted and I downloaded this desire to see Singapore becoming a giving nation in my lifetime.
This morning, I sent in my cover letter and CV to NVPC and they had written back, asking if I would like to be considered in another position. Personally I felt that I should be in a more senior position but then, such promotion will come sooner or later. I was surprised at how quick they got back, even with my expected salary (which will be a cut but still, not that low from my own assessment).
0 件のコメント:
コメントを投稿