Beyond Reasons

We visited Uncle Eric last evening as a cell. He amazed me as possibly the best balance between having no arrogance but highly reflective man at the age of 78. Through his sharing of experiences and perspectives, I couldn't help but appreciate his insights over things and how he articulated them peacefully. 

While he did not share the same faith as us, per se. His testimony of some physical experiences as we prayed over him gave us much encouragement and I hope he would continue to encounter the supernatural healing that was beyond reasons.

I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the event. I teared while reading the thank you message from Xiang. I wish such encounters would become a norm for us, because an impactful spiritual encounter is real and not out of the extraordinary.

Affirmation

Over lunch today, a colleague asked, "now that Mrs A has retired, who do you report to in your work?"

My response:

If it is sustainability-related, I go to MH who seldom questions my decision or approach but would improve my submission or give his clearance as Director.

If it is SRP-related, I go to LK, who would always say ok.

If it is CREATE-centric, I go to FY, who would require me to fill him in with the background information.

For other things that I think are too minor to seek approval from Directors and above, I just handle it myself.

In any case, I am the one who chase the bosses to follow-up on this and that most of the time, so there is quite a large bit of autonomy in my work.

In a way, I'm given the opportunity to take my Director's role in decision-making. But on the other hand, there is no guidance, no one to bounce off ideas with so that I can learn. Yes, I can still learn from mistakes but how to make mistakes when I can simply ignore the tough ones and let it lapse ...

But I also hold onto the words that I have received through Steve:

Brian, the Lord says you are exactly where I want you to be. The Lord says, Brian, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. I don't know if it is forever but right now, right here at this time, the Lord says, good job. The Lord says, you are positioned in a place where I can work with you. You are positioned in a place where I can train you. You are positioned in a place where I can sharpen you.

I see you a leader of families, I don't quite know what that means. The Lord says you are a leader of families, that the way you live your life, you are going to show families what it means to live a godly life. That the glory of the Lord will be seen in you, the way you exist in your family, the way you treat your family, the way you lead your family. He says, don't discount those things, it's not just about the doing, it's about the being, it's about who you are, and how you love people.

And the Lord says that your life is gonna be a life of love. I don't know what you are like and I don't really know your character but ... I wonder if you are the loving kind of person, you just got love to give and you just got the gentleness to give. And the Lord says, I put that in you, that's how I see you. A bruised reed you will not break, you know that prophesy over Jesus, the Lord says, you are like Jesus. You've got this gentleness about you, you got this inner strength, you've got this love. And the Lord says, I put it there. I've put it there because you are going to be a lover of people, and you are going to lead other people into how to love their families.

So Lord we lift up your son, and Lord, will you carry him through this time. Would You teach him, Father that he hears Your voice at the workplace, in his rest time, in everywhere, in everything he does Lord, that You will just constantly whispering to him Lord, that he will just see things from Your perspective Lord, everything that he has to take on at work, everything he has to take on in ministry , in life that he will see things Your way Lord. Because You are love Lord, and You've got so much of it to give.

Thank you Lord.

Blessings

I believe I had max-ed out my 168hr over the last week, and at times, it's frustrating not being able to get more support. It wasn't easy, juggling office work, alpha, alpha weekend away, kairos, domestic duties, boyfriend duties (albeit done joyfully), cell, supporting Man U in their win over Chelsea in Champions League, not to mention the anticipation of mobilisation...

But I have many things to be thankful for as well. For one, the alpha weekend away was a humbling experience. I saw first hand, how Pentecost would have looked like with many receiving the holy spirit and were "slain". And more significantly, the instruments whom God had used, they were simple uncles and aunties, and many would be grouped as faithful followers instead of leaders of the church.

I had always appreciated knowledge and although I do not look down on others who are simple in faith, I would prefer to seek deeper. And so, it was a tremendous experience to see this group of people, being used as the channels to release the holy spirit. That God can use their simple faith and it is such simplicity that made them a lot more approachable towards new believers.

The weekend away also gave me time to explain Christian beliefs to others and I gave thanks for the experience. Though I'm extremely extremely tired, it was worth every effort.

peace

It was a baptism for me, the honest sharing and declaration just yesterday gave me renewed energy to face work in office. The burden was lifted and I could smile more easily now, even when there are times I may not agree with the bosses' way of doing things.

To recap what happened yesterday on stage, I guess there were other underlying messages that I might not have shared. I have only myself to blame for not bringing notes up the stage.

And reflecting on how it went, I am not sure if the younger kids had gotten the message, that having friends to worship with you would be a second-order reason for us to follow God; because the first-order reason is simply that we are instructed to do that. I worried a little because it seemed as though only the YAs understood what I was saying. Oh well...

And I wonder if I had also dwelled to much on my unhappiness at work because people came and asked me about it. Although Stacey explained that it was probably because it was a "happy ending" that others remember the highlight from somewhere else. I certainly hope not...

And then, I didn't look at anyone in particular as I was speaking but I caught grim expressions from a few seniors. I was hoping to hear from them after the service but they didn't come by and it would be weird for me to approach them about it. I guess, while I appreciate affirmation, I also look forward to hear feedback and pointers from them, if there was anything unclear that I hadn't brought the message across for the target audience. I had initially wanted the non-YAs to hear about it and be blessed by it.

Perhaps I should watch the video and evaluate.

Agony

Didn't have a peaceful time today, let's say that in the midst of the joyous occasion, there was an unsettled spirit inside of me. And at times, I was even bitter, yet I also know that when I look back a week from now, such things would have appeared so minor ... but still

It started off since yesterday I supposed, upon the realisation that my weekend would be gone with all the helping etc. I had said it times and again that I wouldn't want to miss any segment due to the fact that I'm helping out but it hasn't been working. As Joel had said today, I, too, would enjoy one where I'm just another invited guest.

And after completing the set of slide for work this morning, I was seriously unwilling to attend service. Simply because I hate wearing my office attire out. I could have made it slightly more special with blazer and tie but it wasn't easy taking the train in it ...

Then I saw the number who missed service... and those who didn't have to dress up because they had left their things in their cars. I must admit that I had felt bitter then. Why isn't there a family car? Anyway, almost none of the guys bought their own car, so why... I must say that I hate wearing shirt and pants on a weekend. Cos I wear it half the time in my life over the weekdays already and it isn't comfortable.

Became the receptionist and towards the end, it was nice to see some aunties. But I do wonder how it's like not having to help out in any way.

Mum also made a silly demand today. Blaming me for not introducing someone and because of that made it awkward for them too. Even a third party was stunned and commented that Mum was too direct. I just find it ridiculous ... and ya, it wasn't a good weekend for me and I will return to office tomorrow, trying to show love to all I get to come into contact with

Is this how heaven is supposed to be like?

Just came back from church camp and the miracles that I had experienced, the kind of fellowship, worship, words ... made me wonder if heaven is like that.

Yes, the burden in my heart must have been the games. I knew it was from God, with the kind of peace that we had when the concept was mapped out. And I had the faith to let things fall into place even when the event was to start the next hour.

Yes, I didn't know what the Cantonese folks were up to until they got up onto the stage. They were secretive and wouldn't reveal it, even to me.

I had always felt that Eddie is the perfect emcee for the show and I was a little disappointed when Ian first told me to task JH.

I could not criticise anything that happened over that 2.5hrs. And I know it was from Big Boss up there.

I shared before that I am a reluctant leader. And this planning reminded me of another role of a leader - To equip people with the best way possible so that they can perform to the best they cam. It was manifested in this way, the emcees, the singers, the dancers, the games, ...

Just that when pastor acknowledged my efforts and credited it to my love for the church, I was not too sure. Yeah, I have been around for many many years but I have lied low for a long long time, so much so that older folks couldn't link my face to my name anymore and I was fine with that.

And I didn't know if it was just my love for the church that drove me to spend nights planning and preparing. It was a combination of the burden that was placed within me during that flight back from Cambodia in December and my own sense of "pride" and "professionalism".

Anyway, my boss gave me work over the camp and I did some last evening. Darius, my good and reliable friend in office helped me a great deal and took over some of the load. I feel blessed already, that God could send someone to help me with things because I was spent as the camp drew to a close.

Burnt-out

I blogged 3 paragraphs and the entire thing disappeared. I guess it got a bit too controversial so ...

Thanks William for organising the meeting after service today, you don't know how important it was for me that everyone was now on the same page for the Bangla Ministry thingie

B-Boy

I wasn't expecting it cos I can't sing and I know it.

But I had no qualms entertaining on stage.

I guess I couldn't say "no" after the prayer from Mel and Jenny. And honestly, it was a tasty role - Licensed to Act Sei (heh)

Just that ... as much as Ben wasn't feeling comfortable with entertaining, I'm not comfortable with my voice. Will see how and will prolly stay away from EVM this week.

Japan =(

I miss Japan, yet I'm glad to be back. I missed the energy, creativity and the freedom over there. Yet I'm glad to be away from the climate where I could easily end up chasing after the wind, being a person with appearance but no substance ...

I guess Tokyo has such a comfortable climate where I could easily depend on myself without prayers and without God, made more so because of the tight schedules from meetings to meetings. In the efficiency and need to handle issues/challenges well, it was so natural for me to claim credits for the successes, especially when I was the point-man.

Yet, these successes didn't fill me. Even the meet up with friends, it reminded me of my past life when I relentlessly ran in circles, chasing after the wind, for vanity, for personal glory.

It was tempting, to get that little bit more of glamour, for fame, for something earthly. I think I have had a glimpse of it: more money than I could spend, popularity to the extent of inviting jealousy, pretty girlfriends ...

Yet when the music fades, I would realise that these things don't really satisfy. I guess I wasn't in tune with my spirit over that 4D3N of work trip and it was an uncomfortable experience.

For this reason, I'm glad to be back.

Moving Forward

It wasn't easy talking about education, not exactly because I didn't want to recall the entire episode but probably because I had forgotten the negatives that came along with it. I had expected a free dialogue of 'challenges for young persons in Singapore' to be about the rising HDB prices, the rising healthcare costs and implication on us supporting our parents, the nearing of maturity of our economy that pay increment doesn't keep up with inflation, etc etc

But it was fun for me, even if it was boring for others because I'd expect myself to fall asleep if I was to be seated with the crowd. Anyway, I tried to picture my life as a working adult but to be honest, the feeling of inadequacy seldom gets to hit me, not because I feel good about everything that I do but I have that foundation. Yet, what hit me was: so what is the effective way in parenting? Nah, Matt doesn't have the answer, I had checked with him.

Came home, filled up one spreadsheet and didn't bother to write the minutes nor to check emails. I'll just head down to office early to deal with it. I spent some time reading the comics that grew up with me when I was still in school.

It's time consuming but it is also a cheap and simple way to meet with the characters who spent the growing up years with me and it feels good, flipping through the pages, which makes me believe that the kindle and i-pad have their limitations.

Yes Man

Finished this on the train. No we can't just say 'Yes' to anything but an occasional random 'Yes' to something we are not too sure about can work wonders. Although as a responsible civil servant, I should not be taking risks.

9 Law Abiding Citizens

How do we submit to unfair treatment when the enforcing party isn't aware of the damage that is being done? At least the Israelites could grumble among themselves when Pharaoh ill-treated them. My mood is already better now after my sleep but I am staying away from my mum at least. She could apologise to Dad but I need to hear the apology to know that she had really reflected about the incident and many more in the past, till then, I need to protect myself and the best way to do it is to stay away.

Honour's Reward, Submission to Authority, Prosperity Gospel, these are the topics that are so tough to bring across in the correct manner that I applaud the Pastors who try to bring it up. I thought it was appropriate to talk about prosperity on Day 1 of CNY but then again, while the scriptures or other materials were there for his use, the nuance was somewhat different. Not to mention that a Pastor who is overseeing Missions may have a hard time preaching on such topic.

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9

I could remember Karen saying that it must be good since it was a Tim Burton movie. It was nevertheless good but it wasn't that kind of dark genre that I've associated with Tim Burton. Anyway, it was a feel-good movie and fits into CNY atmosphere =)

No I didn't watch it during service

Law Abiding Citizen

Sheldon brought vengeance to a new level when his retaliation was not just on an individual but the entire judicial system. It was captivating, and had the right elements of a suspense movie but thinking a little deeper, you know that it was impossible to happen? I mean, how many guys are really good inventors and have the resources to do all that? Unless if you are Michael Scofield perhaps.

Change

I had always thought that I am the egoistic kind. The kind who thinks too highly of himself.

I wasn't expecting a return of prayer, I just felt that Pastor needed some encouragement but got a dose of her prophesy instead. But the thing that really caught me by surprise was: No more condemnation.

I had to clarify, do you mean my condemnation on others? or others' condemnation towards me? But the answer was "your condemnation of yourself, times when you thought too lowly of yourself and lost the identity in Christ"

Took a cab to Haw Par Villa for my dinner and the taxi driver was extremely chatty. I don't usually take the front seat when I'm alone but somehow, I sat in front today and he began by asking about my phone, and then started talking to me about church, etc. He's from Zion Gospel Mission. He wasn't a learned man but his groundings were there, he talked much about what I had already known and could only agree with him. But the line which shook me was "Condemnation does not come from God but from Man".

Have I been too self-conscious? Have I been beating myself too hard over my imperfections? Well, at least I know that I'll not be losing sleep over this =)

Love

I didn't feel comfortable doing what I was supposed to do at the Cambodia sharing. It's not about the activity but I felt that the timing wasn't right. Had felt it since yesterday but I didn't know how I could bring it up since it had been planned and so many people had been expecting it.

So I was relieved when Pastor postponed it herself. Yet at the same time, I regretted not voicing it earlier myself. I guess I should have obeyed the prompting even if it is not a popular vote. Pastor summed it up for me: Bless you to give your funny side and serious side to God to fulfil His purpose.

I guess, I haven't given too much of my serious side yet. Something I have to remind myself.

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Been procrastinating and here I am, struggling with the slides. We are to use it to brief Chee Hean on Friday. My Director wants to discuss with Francis tomorrow. Not much left but it looks horrible so I'll have to spend much time refining it.

ARGH.......

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Alright, let me talk about happy things. My Dad is turning 60 in May and I want to do something different for him/to him. While he's a wonderful person and all, I do want to help in curing his jaded heart and it's a good opportunity come May. If he can see how much he's loved in all the roles that he plays (ie. a co-worker, a sunday school teacher, a brother, etc) his perspective may indeed be changed.

And I think a free meal is an additional incentive for people to come to bless my Dad. I have convinced my brother to do something and as for Mum, she'll take another 2-3 days but I'm sure she'll see my point when I leave her alone to mull over the idea for that 2-3 days.

I mean, why wait until someone is dead before letting him see his fruits over the years of his life (if he can still see, that is). I guess, there goes my Performance Bonus for the year and I am obliging myself to do an 1-up for Mum when the time comes.

Am drafting out the Admin Brief and my yandao brother will execute lol. Not that I'm the brain but because he's got the time.

I'll need to:
- Convince my Mum
- Inform my aunt and uncle in hong kong to make plans to fly over
- Find a POC to inform and check how many from his sunday school class will come
- Find a POC to inform and check how many of his colleagues are keen to come (tricky)
- Book the restaurant
- Other minor admin stuff

Wondering if 6 tables would be enough.

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It's my parents' 30th wedding anniversary on 2 Feb. They are looking to visit Taiwan (their honeymoon location 30 years ago) and after lunch yesterday. We chanced upon this Wedding photos + overseas travel package. My parents instantly laughed when we suggested that they have a look (who says that couples can't get married and have wedding shoot in their 50s).

In normal circumstances they would not be sporting but I kept the namecard just in case. I thought it'd be quite appropriate for them to dress up and have a photoshoot overseas: celebrating 30 years of love/tolerance/bickering/partnership.

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Well, Merv, this is for you

誰にも見せない泪があった
There are tears that are not shown to anyone

人知れず流した泪があった
There are tears that no one will ever know

決して平らな道ではなかった
It is definitely not a smooth path

けれど確かに歩んで来た道だ
But it is on the path that I made my journey thus far

あの時想い描いた夢の途中に今も
Even now, I am still on the journey to fulfil this dream

何度も何度もあきらめかけた夢の途中
Time and again, I was about to surrender, but here I am

※いくつもの日々を越えて
After countless days and nights

辿り着いた今がある
I have finally reached where I am now

だからもう迷わずに進めばいい
That is why, I will not hesitate but simply move forward

栄光の架橋へと…※
To the bridge that leads to glory

悔しくて眠れなかった夜があった
There are nights when I could not sleep due to regrets

恐くて震えていた夜があった
There are nights when I trembled out of fear

もう駄目だと全てが嫌になって逃げ出そうとした時も
There are also times when I had wanted to run way because I seemed to have lost everything

想い出せばこうしてたくさんの支えの中で歩いて来た
As I reflect, I have actually come to this point by all the support given to me

悲しみや苦しみの先に それぞれの光がある
There is light at the end of the tunnel of sadness and bitterness

さあ行こう　振り返らず走り出せばいい
So let's go, do not turn back but run ahead

希望に満ちた空へ…
To the sky that is filled with hope

誰にも見せない泪があった　

人知れず流した泪があった

(※くり返し repeat)

終わらないその旅へと
To the neverending journey

君の心へ続く架橋へと…
To the bridge (of glory) that continues to your heart

Renaissance

Alright, the Renaissance is only confined to this blog heh.

The Kum Yan X'mas is finally over, and looking at how things went. I can't help but to feel a little sad that the Chinese Uncles and Aunties were not present. I had the vision to build a platform that is cross-Congregation and I will see how it goes when pastor is free enough to listen me out.

Looking at the guys who had sweat tears and blood over the past few weeks for the event, I was reminded once again that "one can only be as involved as one chooses to do so" and at times, I had to remind myself: how much of it was just a event planning and how much was inspired by the Holy Spirit. There won't be any answers and the lack of those from the Chinese congregation had casted some doubts within me: has the event really brought unity and fun for everyone?

No point whipping myself and well, following days and weeks of planning and working, I left at around 6 to get for myself a Christmas gift (lol). To be honest, I just needed some time alone to recharge but my legs were protesting. It must be the marathon training in the week, followed by tennis yester and the lack of sleep.

This week should be easier, with the carnival and budak concert already in the past, I'll adopt the man-mentality to cruise along this time round. Heh.

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Had watched New Moon and Zombieland!!!

New Moon

It certainly doesn't help that the Twilight series is consisted of 4 books and by the 2nd book, there is pretty little character development left and development would be hindered due to Book 3 and 4.

As what many of my friends had told me earlier, it was draggy and a 2hr torture. I agree.

So to sum up New Moon: Jacob is a werewolf who is against the Collins. Bella has chosen Edward over Jacob. Bella has to (and wants to) become a vampire, but if the Collins turn her or anyone into a vampire, the wolves would begin their attack.

The Solution? Simple, try to find another vampire to 'transform' Bella. Then the 'transformation' would be not credited towards the Cullens and the wolves must then continue to honour the treaty.

Zombieland

Zombieland is a wonderfully enjoyable movie. Just running away from the Zzz and shooting at the Zzz. It was short and sweet and at times, lame enough to give me a laugh. Light-hearted and unbelievable but nonetheless, a good way to spend 90min.

Cambodia

Hadn't expected that my last entry was 17 Nov, haiz.. have been busy recently with the X'mas Carnival prep as well as the Mission trip to Cambodia from 27 Nov - 5 Dec.

Anyway, Cambodia was a wonderful experience, 9 days over which I had no access to news, work, limited internet and a time of prayer, meditation, love, peace and harmony. Forget about the discomfort, mosquitos and bed-bugs and I'd say it was heaven on earth.

So apart from learning that I indeed love kids, I was also encouraged by the teenagers there, while we were ministering to the 5-14 year olds, the 15-18 year old boys were assisting another Aussie team in building a toilet there.

The boys would go to school in the morning and return to the orphanage, taking care of the children, helping us in translation and most of all, they were steadfast in what they were doing. Their spiritual maturity was amazing and it was heartening to learn about their love for Cambodia, their lifestyle of bible-study and prayer for one another, more remarkable when some were orphans themselves.

It was hard for me to find a similar group in Singapore, where not only youngsters but so many others would get preoccupied with facebook, shopping, girls (they are interested in girls too), etc. I guess there is less distraction over there.

One of the boys, Nad called me as I was returning home from church today. He asked how I was and said that he'd send me mangoes that he was going to pick. I'd love to return to see how these boys would have grown.

Looking through the calendar for 2010 and planning to make a quick trip there over one of the long weekends.

Enlightenment

I have gotten approval for my leave and paid for my tix. 

But it tugged at my heart when I heard about the W.Kalimantan mission trip later in October. No way would I be able to take leave for that too. But I would have no second thoughts to go for a mission trip to Kalimantan or Timor, another time maybe.

I was reading the bible earlier today and this thought came to me: if most people believe in establishing one's career before marriage and as Christians, we live to honour and serve God, shouldn't we find our place and calling before getting attached and married?

Nah, I won't try to dig my own grave, but just a thought and I had to jot it down before it's gone

Heavy

Guess my taste in movies had somewhat changed. I watched the Twentieth Century Boys and though I couldn't understand much at the beginning, and its unending ending (it is the first of a 3-part series), I enjoyed the suspense and appreciated the fact that such comic book adaptation with little action could only be produced in Japan. I doubt Hollywood would dare to shoot such a slow-paced movie, anyway, it got me interested in reading the comics. Just like Deathnote (unfortunately, I still haven't brought myself to read the story between Kira and L)

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Over the weekend, I realised that the human body has different tolerance towards physical and mental stress. I was running around yesterday: being the credit card for my yandao brother's purchase of a camera, the Bangla for my Mum's purchase of a DIY wardrobe at IKEA, the PCK for Mum in setting up the wardrobe, taking part in a family dinner at Clarke Quay. My yandao brother and Mum were drained, yet I felt as fresh as the sashimi (sorry, we had Japanese food for dinner). Yet, I was drained today, cracking my head over my discussion with Mrs Adams tomorrow, I long to be like one of the others who don't have to kill so many brain cells each day.

.

"Traditional parents usually have this to say to their kids, 'see the labourers out there under the sun? you have better studied hard lest you have to work as hard as them.' But then again, my life in an air-conned office isn't more enjoyable either" I told my yandao brother. I would choose a marathon over the process of coming up with a solution to a problem that no one seems to know how to solve.

.

Yes, my dream job is to be a housewife.

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I thought I have been immunized by my Mum has slightly increased her nagging over my singlehood. It used to be 0% but recently, it has been twice over three weekends. "Have you been praying about it?" "Nah, I don't have to since you are already praying for me." Mum is not pleased with this reply.

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Aunty Peggy passed away yesterday. It was unexpected. I don't know Aunty Peggy, except that she's the Mum of Jody and Jeannie, I mean, I don't even know how she looks like. But last evening I received the news through both the Cantonese and YC channels.

.

My very first thought was: Oh God, what is it supposed to mean?

.

Then I was reminded that there was nothing fearful about death. Especially if I'm suffering mentally by the intensity of my work (it's not the volume but the intensity). Pastor shared a little today and I agreed with most of it, just that I don't know how I'd behave if my parents pass on.

.

I can imagine myself expressing little emotions and know that they are in safe hands. I know that I am not special and blessed or not, we will all eventually die. I wonder if the lack of grieving could mean that I do not love my parents. It is a scary thought, scary because it doesn't sound right.

手を繋いで

MY colleague just broke up with his girlfriend over the weekend. He said that it was inevitable, he is a Buddhist and she's a Christian. I asked him why it took her a year to decide and it appeared that they were avoiding the topic. He told me that the Bible said Christians should marry only another Christian.

I said, "nah, the Bible said something even stricter than that"

I am still struggling to believe that the religion thingie matters to such an extent. It is tough to be with someone who has different values but even as a Christians, I disagree with many of the doctrines and ideas. I believe that relationships call for something deeper than all these, beyond agreeing to appear in church every Sunday or to send the kids to ACS or MGS. I know that it could be meant for protection of my own faith, that I will not have to compromise my Christian walk because of the other half but when I had tasted and knew that my faith depends on my own relationship with God, then this doesn't really apply.

I could have met the perfect one a little too soon,and she is not exactly a Christian. I had never felt that the break-up was due to differences in views or in our religion. I just didn't do well enough back then.

I felt for my colleague but I was in no position to make any judgement or comment. I jested that I have forgotten the feeling of being attached and honestly, though it is fun to go out with someone I like, I enjoy the 'single' tag all the time.

Perhaps I haven't met "the one for me" yet but getting attached for the sake of getting attached is just too stressful for me. And being unable to break up for the fear of being single is also frightening. If I just have to explain, "I haven't met anyone who could give me the 'skip a heartbeat' moment for some time; not that there was no one but I couldn't get near enough to do anything"

Perceptions

I was telling my colleague about my programme for the evening: I'm going for a prayer concert!!

Oh, are you a very strong Christian? - he asked

Well, I guess I am a much more serious Christian than what many others would perceive me to be

He agreed. And it's not because I work as a loanshark, or having tattoos and piercing all over my body, it was because I bother to dress up. And bother to watch my calories and carry a 'over-Metero' man-bag (it's metero only because I'm in Singapore)

I felt sad though, that Christians are perceived to be boring people, or people who don't bother about their upkeeps. Looking at the people in church, I must say that we have some way to go before we can refute it.

And among those who have different thoughts, I don't know if they are just lazy; or are they really so secured that outward appearances don't matter at all.

I have Torres' body, but I want Ronaldo's

It's another emo entry in yet another emo day for me. It was just a long meeting in the morning and then some writing in the afternoon. Somehow, the content of the conversation between my gay buddy and I the evening before, just bothered me for the entire day.

"What should a guy do to be the leader of the household when the gal is much stronger spiritually?" (words might have been different but the meaning was it)

"I don't know~" and I didn't think that it mattered. My point was simple: I don't believe that the guy must be a leader in every area, the gal may be higher educated, more sensible in finance, more structured and mature when making decisions, ... so why not more mature spiritually? I have heard too much preaching from my church about wives standing behind the husbands or the men to lead the way but I could never be satisfied that life is so simple.

I spoke with Jim after our gym-session and he shared that it is important for his gf to be a Christian because they would not be sharing the same values otherwise. He highlighted that he had planned to start a business with non-Christian friends but the values were just different that everything ended before it could even begin. I got his point but then, I have gotten attached with Christian gals who ended up worse than non-believers (or pre-believers if it sounds more accurate).

Quoting Thio Li-Ann that if someone claims to be a Christian, I'd have a much much higher expectation of her for that matter. I know I'm far from perfect but everyone looks for a "perfect" other half, don't they?

That brings to the question on where to draw the line too. As long as someone is baptized, it'd be ok (according to my Mum); or must it be "equally yoked" to the core - same amount of time spent on QTs, similar family background, both as good (or bad) looking, etc? I mean, if one is to judge then the term "equally-yoked" must be adhered to no matter what. With that, Melvin's question would be invalid because the relationship should not take place if the gal is so much more matured spiritually.

I have seen many who get attached with non-Christians, while proclaiming that the non-Christian bf or gf understands and will join them to church. I listened and received the confirmation again and again that it wouldn't work. I am not against dating non-Christians, come on, my Mum didn't go to church till she met Dad and I can see that she reads the Bible more than my Dad these days.

My point is that, just be cool with the fact that one is dating someone of another faith, without trying to justify at all. As for me, I am fussy without adding in the "must be Christian" requirement, thanks to my years in Tokyo that raised my expectations (silly). I wonder if raising the bar higher is really the thing I need.