shocked

I was shocked to hear what was being said behind my back, among people who were working with my organisation. It didn't make sense but on the other hand, if it was told to us by someone who didn't know me, it must be really rampant.

I told God that I've been stretched too badly, after one wrestle with God and it gets worse, again and again. I worked hard to be the salt and light but it is not appreciated, instead it gets trampled upon and slandered.

The pain of being unheard

The ineffectiveness at ministry

The disappointment at grading

The indecisiveness of organisation

The sacrifice for those who are immature

The false accusation

I cried out and You taught me to pray, the prayer of David in Psalm 27

¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked advance against me

to devour^[a] me,

it is my enemies and my foes

who will stumble and fall.

³ Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I ask from the LORD,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple.

⁵ For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent

and set me high upon a rock.

⁶ Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

⁷ Hear my voice when I call, LORD;

be merciful to me and answer me.

⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”

Your face, LORD, I will seek.

⁹ Do not hide your face from me,

do not turn your servant away in anger;

you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,

God my Savior.

¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,

the LORD will receive me.

¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD;

lead me in a straight path

because of my oppressors.

¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

for false witnesses rise up against me,

spouting malicious accusations.

¹³ I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD.

In the midst of this pain and suffering, I pray that I will come forth as gold, that I can declare the following; that I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed, that I'm blessed beyond the curse, for Your promise will endure and Your joy will be my strength.